FOSTER THE PEOPLE, PHILLY, AND FORTNITE: IN CONVERSATION WITH NOTHING'S NICKY PALERMO
by Frankie Polonsky
Courtesy of Alice Hirsch/ @h.irsch
F: I'm sitting here with Dominic Palermo. Some know him as Nicky, some know him as Mr. Nothing. I just have a couple of questions for you. Beginning with, where are we? What are we doing tonight? Can you just give me some background?
N: Yeah, we're in Dallas, Texas. About to play our sixth show of the tour. About to hang with a lot of homies. Probably gonna drink a little bit too much tonight, and want to kill myself as we go into Austin.
F: Yeah, that’s a common feeling for most people who have to go to Austin.
N: Yeah, yeah, for sure.
F: I want to know a little about your musical background. What was the first band you played in, your introduction to music, and your biggest influences, then and now?
N: The first band I played in was a punk rock band when I was 13 called The Scum. Really embarrassing stuff. It was a couple of young kids and me who were friends from Philly. Then a couple of us moved on, and we were in a band called Victory Strike, which was a little bit better, but it was still kind of embarrassing, looking back. It was kind of One Life Crew worship, but without the politics, obviously, but that type of music, you know, like old youth crew type hardcore. And then from that, spawned Horror Show, which isn't so embarrassing, I don't think. And I did that for a little while, and then went to prison, and I didn’t want to play music anymore. A couple years later, I was kind of at the end of my rope, and I decided that maybe I needed to play music again, but I wanted to try coming at it from a different angle, more of the stuff that I naturally listened to, more depressive, soundscaping music, and I started Nothing, and I’ve just kind of been learning what to do along the way.
F: Speaking of Nothing, was Nothing the original band name, or did you have any other iterations? Do you remember your original band names?
N: Yeah, for Nothing, it was originally gonna be called Nausea, after a Jean Paul Sartre book that I read when I was locked up, but, obviously, there's a punk band with that name already. Anyways, I thought Nothing would be a funny name, because it was kind of, like, an anti-music project. I didn't really have any intentions of doing anything with it besides it being a bedroom thing. I made a demo, the demo was received pretty well, and I kind of got talked into doing a record with this Japanese label called Big Love Records. The intention was essentially to release an LP at one point and then just be done with it.
The name was kind of an attempt at, like, a microaggression and just kind of making it hard to Google and that kind of thing. Obviously, it's now become a pain in the ass for things like that. It works a lot better now than it did when I was like “Oh, maybe we'll start doing this for real, and then it was like, okay, this is a pain in the ass, all the URLs are taken. But now I think it's kind of evened out; you can find it pretty easily now. I guess that's from 15 years of doing this.
F: So, you were in punk and hardcore bands originally, and your latest album has some very Beatles-esque/alt-rock influence on it. The rain don't care, especially, almost sounds like Beck to me.
N: Yeah, I definitely hear the Beatles on that song.
F: Yeah, the chord change on the bridge is super Beatles. But it overall sounds like Morning Phase to me.
N: I love that record.
F: Me too, I saw Beck do most of it at the Hollywood Bowl with the LA Phil.
N: Incredible, sounds like a tough show.
F: It was life-changing. But anyway, how do you think your music and influences in making music have changed, and why do you think they've changed?
N: We started with an identity crisis when we first started. Not heavy enough for the hardcore shows that I was used to, and a little too aggressive for the indie rock shows. There was always this balance in Nothing, whether I wanted to make loud, aggressive music or make a sad, depressing song, I tried to mix them up as much as I could. I always like to have a couple of slow, clean songs on the record.
Our name was kind of torture for the longest time, trying to identify ourselves in a sense, but it eventually clicked, and people just kind of understood what we were doing, and it became okay to play whatever we wanted, wherever we wanted. With this latest record, I feel like we really honed in on that. You can just see that there’s a level of comfort in doing what we do.
Whenever we write a song, the inspiration for what I'm doing is really always based on life first. People ask what the musical inspirations are, you know, films, TV, whatever. It's a mixed bag of that, but those are just accents; it’s usually just what's going on with me, and typically it starts with pen and paper, just writing down thoughts and stuff like that, and then, if I feel like it's compelling enough, I move on to music. With this last record, the plan was to move out of the “What does Nothing sound like?” We usually take the acoustic voice memo demos I record, and sit down and figure out like, “Okay, how do we make this a Nothing song?” We didn't really do that on this record. I wanted to just let the songs kind of feel more natural. I wanted to bring the spirit of the demos to the record.
I kind of got stuck in a cycle after Guilty of Everything for two and a half years, writing, recording, touring, writing, recording, touring, three or four albums of that. Guilty was kind of a built-up kind of aggression, and this is all new to me at that point. I never really did any of this, and we had pressure from labels and stuff, trying to get a record out, so it was a little less purposeful in a lot of those records, even though it was still very meaningful. All of those records are meaningful, but it was more stream of consciousness; I didn't have that time to let the shit that was bothering me fester. That's kind of the difference between Guilty of Everything and a short history of decay, and then the middle records. Those few years between albums kind of did something to me, and I had to learn how to deal with certain things
F: You said earlier that Nothing started as a bedroom project, and you weren't really thinking of going anywhere with it. Can you kind of talk me through the process of taking the project from a creative outlet in your room to a band that's playing shows and touring?
N: Yeah, it kind of just happens, honestly. The intention was never there; it was kind of more of a therapeutic thing for me. As I said, I was at the end of my rope, kind of, and I didn't really know where I was going. I was pretty unhappy with everything, and as a last-ditch effort to channel some of the weight that I've been carrying for a couple of decades into music. The goal was to make Guilty of Everything and then just be done with it, but I started to see a different side of life around it, you know, people wanted to hear it. I kind of got sucked into it, to be honest. The freedom to be able to go and play and do all these things that I always wanted to do before I got locked up, that I kind of gave up on, just started to happen again for me.
This band gave me so many opportunities to do things and go places. Where I came from in Philadelphia, not a lot of us get out, you know? And I kind of felt like I was gifted this opportunity to do things that nobody in my family has ever done. I'm from this poor little white trash family that's like, “Oh, you're in Italy? You’re in Europe? You're in Japan?” It's mind-boggling for them still, to this day, so I always feel like I'm not supposed to be here. I have imposter syndrome for sure, but that kind of gave me a boost to push through and keep doing it. It wasn't until recently, after The Great Dismal, that I realized that I kind of shifted so far over one way that I left a lot of stuff behind, and I think that's a part of the process for this record; that’s why it's so important to me. I was kind of forced to deal with myself in these decisions that I made to put myself in this place, and look at myself in a mirror and be comfortable with myself a little bit. So it was an interesting process, getting from that point to where I am now. It kind of feels like a 360 moment, in a sense. I think I answered the question, but I don't even know. I think so.
F: In terms of how the band actually physically formed, how did you find people who were down to play with you and record with you? And since then, how has the lineup changed?
N: It's kind of always worked the same way. I've just gotten better at doing it and, like, a little bit more responsible with how I pick people to play with. But it's always been the same, I've never gone for players, you know what I mean? I have to have somebody around me that I know that I could be in a van with for fucking 60 days, you know what I mean? Tour always feels like war to me, so I have to have people that I fuck with around me, but that's not always the answer, though. We've gone through 30 different members, but I don't really look at it like that. Nothing's always been a collaborative effort. Even if there are people who played in Nothing that I don't fuck with anymore, that’s really rare. I keep in contact with almost everybody. But, everyone, no matter if I do or don't, like them has left an imprint on Nothing, I carry a little piece of everybody that's played with me along the way. I've learned a lot from other people, and I've experienced a lot, and that's kind of what turned me into who I am now, for better or for worse. I've refined it to a point now, and that's how I'm lucky enough to end up with the lineup that we have now. Everybody's pro, everybody's good at their instrument, and it's fucking gang, you know what I mean? Like, it's family. And when we're touring, it's not like anybody else. If you're around this, you just feel a different vibe. It kind of just feels like we’re hanging out, you know what I mean? And that's kind of how I always needed it to be. The second, I have to hire some dickhead that's good as shit at drums, but he sucks to be around. I just won't do it, you know what I mean?
F: We’ve talked around this a lot, but can you tell me a little about a short history of decay? Why did you write this album? What's your favorite song on the album? And what do you want us to get from the album?
N: It's hard to say favorite song, because a lot of it's heavy shit that I'm dealing with, I will say, I get more feeling out of some than others, just because of the content. But when we write a record, it's very purposeful as far as it being a front-to-back kind of thing. It's always been like that for Nothing. I don't get hung up on songs as much as I do, as how they're all gonna lay out together in a grand scheme of a full album. The biggest inspiration for this album was how we were moving at a certain pace for like 10 years, then COVID happened. We tried to get out after COVID and do some shows, but it was definitely weird and different. It's similar to driving a car at 120 miles an hour and then running directly into a brick wall. Here I am at home, everything's stopped, I'm forced to deal with my home life, and all of these relationships that I've been reluctant to deal with, and a lot of the things I just put on the shelf because I had all these distractions. It was a pretty eye-opening way of showing me how meaningful this has been for me for the last 12 years or whatever it was at that point. But what did I lose along the way? That’s what I started looking at, you know? Time with family, a lot of friends lost, I missed an immeasurable amount of things that I should have been home to experience because of touring, and now I'm sitting there in my house trying to figure out what to do with myself.
That was kind of the, that was the main drive behind this record. It’s me at my most vulnerable, trying to be as honest as I can with whoever's gonna listen to this record. I think that was my biggest intention, to try to shed some more weight, you know? Like that initial Guilty of Everything weight, but be as honest as I can, no matter how painful it is and how embarrassing it is. I wanted to just put it out there because, you know, that's what connects people with this band, and with me, it was always that honesty.
F: So as we both know, Nothing is a band from Philadelphia. Historically, there's been a bunch of great bands from Philly, but recently, there's been a crazy, shoegaze JWar adjacent explosion from Philly. There’s a bunch of these bands coming from Philly, and a lot of them have a similar sound and influence, like Sun Organ, TAGABOW, and Full Body. Where do you think that comes from? Is there a DNA in the city that just makes people write this sad ass music?
N: If you're listening, Philadelphia is always trying to tell you a story for sure. For me, it was easy. I grew up there. I'm one of the few people that was born and raised there. I’m from Kensington and Frankfurt. I lived there my whole life. I was born in a hospital under the L train. Not everyone has that, fortunately for them. But you don't have to be there too long until the city inspires you, and there's a lot of pain in the city. There's a lot of, there's a lot of life in the city as well, and I think, I think if you allow Philadelphia to envelop you in what it is, you can get something out of it. That's kind of what I learned to do, I have a deep, love-hate relationship with the city, but it's where I'm from. It's what shaped me to be whatever I am at this point, you know?
I'm not sure where everybody's from, but if you spend time there, you can get something out of it. And what Doug is doing with JWar is super inspiring. It's sick to see, because I didn't have that when we were kind of bumbling around in like 2012-23. It was really difficult to get people to understand, and I think we inspired a lot of shit. Some is good, some of it's really bad, but I do feel responsible for both ends of the spectrum. But these kinds of bands and what's happening in Philly, with Knifeplay, Full Body II, TAGABOW, I don't put myself in the same conversation with what they're doing. They're all really elevating the sound; they're doing something really unique and cool. They give me old heads status for sure, and they're always super cool with me, and we connect whenever we can and shit, but it's just sick to see it happening in my city, you know what I mean? I love to see it. That's why I brought Full Body II out. I'm a fan first.
F: No one can really ever tell if music is feeding someone, but I'm assuming you're not working at a copy center or whatever in Philadelphia. What did you do to support yourself before Nothing took off?
N: I haven't worked in a long time, per se. I don't have a day job or anything like that. But I do side hustles all the time, I'm on the grind constantly. My partner moved me out to New York, like, 10 years ago, which smokes every dollar that I have, just being there, but she's a stylist, she has to be there, so I have to be there. We're in Philly all the time, though. I do Slide Away on the side, which isn’t really about money, but if I can use what I do to get by, I absolutely will.
Right after COVID, I was moving large amounts of mushrooms for six months to get on my feet. It started out, I had a half pound, and I was selling eighths around Brooklyn. I had a really good connect out in the Bay—shout out ******, you gotta censor her name out when this comes out, though—next thing I know, I was like, “Yo, I need a pound.” A couple of weeks later, I was like, “I need five pounds.” Next thing you know, I was getting 25 pounds in the mail once every two weeks, and I was moving them all throughout Philly and New York, and I did that for about six months. I probably moved about 300 to 400 pounds of mushrooms for a little while.
F: Have the statute of limitations expired on that?
N: I mean, they're not gonna come for me. You can't really prove it. I could be lying. You just do what you can do, right? When I was younger, I used to do the same thing, and I didn't know when to stop, so at least I have enough sense that, once the COVID lockdown ended, I just got back on tour.
F: Besides your time as the Flatbush mushroom kingpin, what was the worst and best job you ever held?
N: Roofing is the worst job in the world. Have you ever done it?
F: No, thank God.
N: It’s awful. Don't do it. I only did it for a summer, and it was all Philly guys, all Kenzos, everybody was taking percs and doing heroin, everyone was high on the job. And these were big jacked motherfuckers, you wouldn’t see these guys and assume they were heroin addicts, a heroin addict would look, these guys were, like, 300-plus-pound buff motherfuckers who go to the gym on heroin. Philly's different, I try to tell people all the time, you really don't know what it’s like. These are all, Kenzo Irish Catholics and Muslims, Philly is a total anomaly. That’s easily the worst job I ever had, picture climbing up a two-story row house with a ladder, bringing 45-50-pound tar slabs. It's hot as fuck, like 100 degrees outside, and 125 on the roof. All of your bosses are all perced up and fucked up, it’s just the biggest nightmare ever.
F: So, what was the best job?
N: That's the easiest question you’ve asked. This is the best job I’ve ever had; I don't even consider it a job. I'm busy as fuck, though. I’m hands-on with everything I do. You know what I mean? Obviously, songwriting, performing, shit like that, you know, but merch designs, physical media designs, album art, tour scheduling, routing, expenses, and facilitating the show and crew. I'm busy as fuck when it comes to Nothing, and I like it, because when I have too much time on my hands, it becomes a problem. So it's good for me to stay busy. I did work in the service industry for a long time. I bartended for, like, 10 years in Philly, and that was always fun. But it wears you down just like anything does.
F: On the subject of touring, what’s the best/your favorite show you've ever played? And what's your favorite story from your 15 years of touring? And don't say Europe, 2022.
N: Yeah, definitely not Europe 2022. I will say, though, some of my favorite parts about these tours are the worst parts, because I’m able to come out of it the other end unscathed to an extent, you know? You mentioned Europe 2022. We were in the ER 4 times, and lightning struck our fucking van on that tour. It was just one of those tours where everything that could go wrong did.
F: You should read my Cam Smith interview if you want the whole story.
N: Yeah, Cam will tell it like it is. He was kind of fly on the wall for that tour, so he has a good perspective. I separated my chest plate from my ribcage, and I had pneumonia the whole tour; it was a nightmare. The cool thing about those kinds of tours, though, is that you come home, and you're like, fuck, I didn't think I was gonna make it home. I was sending texts to people at home, like, “I love you, like, I don't know if I’m gonna make it home.” I was googling how to get your body back to the States if you die in Europe. I really thought I was gonna fucking die. I thought I was having heart problems, but it was because I separated my chest plate. I went blind in one eye on that tour, too. I thought it was all related, but it was really because I got cracked on the head in 2015, and I had a traumatic cataract. It’s basically like when a pebble hits your car’s windshield, it starts as a little crack, but then it gets bigger and spider webs out. That's what was happening in my eye, so I had to get an artificial retina when I came home. When I went to the doctor, and they finally figured out that I separated my chest plate from my ribs, the doctor was like, “How the fuck is this even possible? What did you do?” But apparently, the pneumonia swelled up my organs so much that I made a wrong turn, and it just separated. We had 3 weeks of the tour, and I did the whole tour like that.
F: Cam told me you did it by doing a cartwheel at a venue in Denmark.
N: No, I re-aggravated it. See, Cam don't know what the hell he’s talking about.
F: I might be misquoting him.
N: Cam will always try to do that though, but he ain't shit. But, yeah, I re-aggravated it for sure, doing a cartwheel, but I also tore my hamstring super badly, to the point where my whole leg went black and blue. I was wasted, and the doctor gave me morphine pills, and I felt like I was unstoppable, and then I did that cartwheel and fucked everything up again. But, yeah, I went home, got everything fixed, and then a month later, we went on a tour with Boris, and the first night in Philly, I jumped off the stage and broke two ribs, and had to start the whole tour with two broken ribs, which I don't know if you've ever broken a rib, but, I'm pretty sure I might be the only person that ever thugged out a 30 day tour after breaking two ribs on the first night.
F: Maybe so.
N: But anyway, as far as best show, I can barely remember half of the shit that we do. We play with so many cool bands. I loved the Slide Away shows, doing those comeback shows with Whirr, and the redemption side of things; that was really special to me. Also, the first tour we did with Whirr, when we didn't know what the fuck we were doing, we were just wild ass maniacs. I love those shows, you know? Those are some of my favorite shows. 100-cap rooms, like, 40 people in the room, and we had like, six amps on stage, trying to melt everybody's face off, not really giving a fuck about any press or anything like that. Just sucking the day's dick, you know what I mean? Just being wild boys.
F: Pause.
N: No, that's not a pause. You don't need to pause with me. Let it run.
F: What are the Nothing tour necessities? What do you need to bring with you, and what's on your rider?
N: You already know the answer to this.
F: Well, yeah, but it's for the people at home, man. That's privileged information, you know?
N: Our rider is pretty simple. We drink a decent amount on tours. But it's a lot more controlled chaos than it used to be, for sure. I'm getting a little bit older. Alcohol’s probably the biggest necessity at this point. I don't know if we'll ever hit the sober Nothing tour. I don't know if I got it in me. I took a couple of years off when I was working in the bars, and it was miserable for me. I don't drink when I go home very often. Only occasionally, if I go out, which I don't really do anymore, I mostly just stay in the house, I’ve kind of developed a bit of an agoraphobic thing. You wouldn't even recognize me at home, it's way different. A big part of that is because I know how hard we go when we're on the road, and I also never want to have to stop, you know? I don't want to ever reach a point where I physically can't do this anymore. So, I keep that in my mind, but it's a pretty big necessity for us, I think, you know? It's more about, like, the freedom of being able to live the way that we need to live while we do this, because it's pretty treacherous doing this shit sometimes.
F: In that same line of questioning, what do you do so you don't go nuts on tour when you're on tour for weeks and months? How do you stay sane in the van? How do you make a tour not boring?
N: Super easy, keep good people around you that legitimately care about you, you know? And just enjoy that freedom that you don't really have at home, which is the one luxury that you have here. There's a lot of stuff to do. You get your job done, and get the shows done, but this is a pretty easy lifestyle, if you can handle it the right way, you know? I know a lot of guys who tour, and they get to the venue, they do the sound check, they go to the hotel room, and sit there and stare at their phones for four hours, and then they go to the venue, play the show, and go right back to the hotel. and order Domino’s. It's just so depressing to me. I don't know why anybody would want to do that. I'd rather be in an office or a janitor at a high school or something. That's shit's fucking terrible. We mark out spots. When we have days off, we try to see if there's a lake in between a drive, just go swimming, or go see a museum, or let's go hit a fucking taco place. Whatever it takes to keep a little bit of a smile on your face otherwise, what are you really doing? You know what I mean?
F: Outside of music, like, what are you into? What do you do when you're at home? Like, what are your hobbies? What do people know you as when you're not on stage?
N: I used to be in the streets a lot more. I'm not really out there anymore. I'm kind of playing house way more often than I ever have. I watch a lot of films, TV, and play some video games. Cam got us on Fortnite, but Doyle and I kind of abandoned Cam and moved to Arc Raiders now.
F: Y'all gotta get on a Uri’s stream.
N: Yeah, I see him there sometimes. We haven't linked in Speranza yet, but I see him out there. He's on it more than I am, for sure. See, I'm a good guy in Arc Raiders. I've only got about 120 hours in, which is nothing compared to these guys. But I only have 3 kills, and that feels nice to me. When I get on my server, I can just walk around and loot and collect things, which makes me happy. When I jump on with Doyle or the Whirr boys, they're just bloodthirsty, and I don't even have it in me, really. But yeah, I do a little bit of that, and I hang out with my dogs. I read a lot still. I've kind of come back around to reading a lot the past few years, which is nice, just to keep away from my phone and shit. But I'm really bored at this point; there's no mushrooms flying around, no suitcases filled with drugs anymore.
F: You never know.
N: After this tour, I might have to get back to it. That's true.
F: Let's hope tonight goes well.
N: I’ll drop you a line.
F: If you were in a situation where you could only consume three movies and three albums for the rest of your life, what would they be?
N: What the hell? That's a hard ass question, man. Come and See is probably my favorite film of all time, even though it's extremely dark. I love war movies. Goodfellas is just too good. I'll always keep that in there. What else? Anytime I see Terminator I on, I'm watching the full movie. I put it on in the green room at Saturn in Birmingham, because Bobb was watching music documentaries, and I fucking hate music documentaries. For albums, Loveless will always be one for me. I know that's the easy answer right there. I love Meat is Murder by The Smiths, that record has been a part of my life since I was a kid. Any Townes Van Zandt record, I'd say. I can always get down with Townes.
F: What's on your pedal board, and what's your rig?
N: Right now, I have an 89 RAT. I always have a Hardwire R7 reverse reverb. I have Nick Bassett's Trinity Reverb pedal, which is basically a Hall of Fame, but we have a setting in there that we’ve both shared since the beginning. It's kind of more nostalgic than anything, I feel like, there's better reverbs now, but I'm just stuck on it. Also, if it works, it works. I have an old '80s Ball tremolo. I have a fuzz pedal, but I can't remember the fucking company's name, and they gave me the pedals for free. Jupiter Effects, sorry, Jupiter. I'm retarded. But yeah, it’s a signature Nothing one. They break all the time, though. I have a tuner.
F: Classic.
N: Yeah, definitely. I still use a little looper pedal for interludes and samples. I think I have an MXR phaser. I love those. I’ve always loved those. I’ve had the same one since the beginning, somehow. I have an Alexander delay pedal. I forgot what the name is, but I love Alexander Petals. They're great. That might be it. I keep it pretty simple nowadays. In the early days, we would try to get these big boards out and do all this extra shit. But I just became more refined.
F: What about guitar and amp?
N: Well, I torture everybody by bringing the six Tone Masters out. But it's a lot different nowadays; we used to do it for so long with Twin Reverbs. I have five twin reverbs at home, but we've kind of switched over to Tone Masters. They're solid state, so we get looks from the tone dorks and shit, but they work really nicely, and we borrowed some from A Place To Bury Strangers in Europe, and if those guys are using them, then you know you're good. They're the real tone masters. Shout out to Death by Audio, too. I've seen them do it, and if they can do it, we can do it. And now I've got everybody on them, and they raised the prices of them.
I have three Jazzmasters with me on this tour. I have a Mexican one, a Japanese one from 2002 or something that I bought off Reverb, and a new '66 reissue that Fender just sent me, which they had to steal back from Foster the People. So the main guitar I use is Foster The People’s personal guitar; they gave it to him as a loner.
F: I used to be a huge Foster The People fan when I was, like, 11; that was my shit.
N: I don't know if I know a song.
F: You probably do. What about Pumped Up Kicks?
N: Oh, that's them? I know that one is good.
F: They’ve got one album that's actually pretty good, and then the rest of it's just dog shit, pop nonsense.
N: I'll have to check it out.
F: I'm gonna put you on. It's not bad.
N: Nah, shout out Foster The People. I’m sure they'll tune in.
F: I'm not trying to be backhanded at all, but you're bringing out some lesser-known bands on this tour. It seems like you have your ear to the ground a little. Are there any bands coming out right now that you're a fan of and want to shout out?
N: Not all of them are new, but doing the Slide Away stuff kind of forced my hand to reconnect with the streets a little bit. I really love War Machine. They're sick. Like, I was stoked to get them. Obviously, Full Body II and Cryogeyser as well, and VMO is the best live band in the world. I really believe it. When you see them tonight, you're gonna be like, what the fuck? I really like a lot of the Philly stuff, too. Knifeplay is one of my favorites. I really like Touch Girl Apple Blossom, from Austin. Nuclear Daisies are sick, too. Dottie's sick, Mo Dottie's sick. Just look at the slideaway bills, any of those bands are sick to me. I love that Manslaughter 777 record that Zach plays on, too. There's a lot of cool shit going on, which is nice. I feel like the state of the world always brings out good music, and it's nice to see everyone doing new things with the genre. It's an exciting time.
F: What does Nothing’s future look like, and what are your plans for Slide Away?
N: As far as Nothing goes, just getting through the day is the number one priority for me. We take everything day by day. I don't really do shit until I feel inspired, and I’ve been doing this long enough that I kind of work at my own pace and everybody's cool with that. I think it's better for everybody that way. Everyone in Nothing has all these other projects, you know? Bobb, Cam, Doyle, Zach, they all do other shit, so I can't take up too much of their time always, which is fine by me, because I'm slowing down a little bit. Slide Away is a whole different thing, and I have to stay on this pace. Trying to juggle Nothing and Slide Away is tough sometimes, but I have a good team on both sides, and they get stuff done. For Slide Away this year, I have to do the Tired of Tomorrow set, which is kind of difficult, because I'm locked in with this band, playing a different setlist, and then for Slide Away, we're gonna have some guest members from the era playing with us.
F: So y’all are playing the full album?
N: Yeah, front to back. Bassett and Kimball are gonna be playing with us on that tour, and probably Doyle and Cam. But we don't have a lot of time, so things are getting put together fast. Usually, during this time, we'd be upstairs with some guitars, running through stuff already.
F: If you have any wisdom from your learned age, any words for the young artists, shoegazers, young dope creatives, promoters, cameramen, and miscreants of the world under the age of 25, now is the time to pass it on.
N: I’m probably the worst person to give anyone advice, but the best advice I could give is out of the traumatic experiences and crises I’ve been through. I think the most important thing is to always remember to try to be yourself, no matter what. Don't try to shape yourself to anything. Don't chase something. Just try to be you, because you're special in your own way. The second you stop doing that, you're fucking up, and try to smile as much as possible.
Courtesy of Ian Enger/ @ianxenger
cam smith of ladder to god talks touring, photography, and red house painters
by Frankie Polonsky
Photograph by Madeline Bullie, @bigbulliesmedia
After Ladder To God’s show in Houston, I caught up with guitarist and frontman Cam Smith and talked a little about tour life, influences, and everything good in the world.
F: If you want to start this off with a little introduction, that would be great.
C: Absolutely. I live in Birmingham, Alabama. That's where I'm from. I work at a coffee shop, and I'm not doing music, but I’m very grateful to be able to do music in the way that I do it, while living in a very cool city that not many people know about.
F: So, you're pretty embedded in the modern shoegaze scene. I'm wondering, how'd you get introduced into music, what was your first band, and how'd you start playing live music?
C: Yeah, as a teenager, I was really into metalcore and hardcore, and I went to a bunch of DIY shows at the Firehouse in Birmingham, and I really got involved with my camera, and just did photography for many years. Just shooting any local show I went to. Eventually, I'd do some tours with local bands, doing weekenders out of Alabama. Then, this band, Orthodox, from Nashville, was the first band I ever did a full U.S. tour with, and I was just doing photos. It just led to meeting new people, and I ended up meeting Teenage Wrist from LA in 2018, after “Chrome Neon Jesus” came out, and I shot one show for them in Atlanta, where I just basically DM'd them and was like, “Hey, can I please bring my camera? I already bought a ticket.” And that led to me touring with them the next year and doing photos. Nothing and Basement were also on that tour, which is how I met Nicky from Nothing, and this was May of 2019.
F: So you've only been with Nothing since the quarantine?
C: Pretty much, yes. I met Nicky pre-COVID, and then never worked with them again before COVID hit. And I was continuing to do my own thing, like even when shows came back in 2021. Any touring that I did was metalcore or hardcore stuff. And Nicky randomly hit me up one day in November of 2021 while they were in the middle of their release tour for “The Great Dismal”. And he was like, “Hey, you should do some photos for us for part of this tour,” and I was like, “Alright, word, that'd be awesome.” And he's really bad at communicating, so it was getting closer and closer to the tour, and I didn't really know what was going on. And literally, the day of the show, I booked my flight, flew to Richmond, Ubered to the venue, and showed up. And we did three weeks, and I've done every single show with them since then.
The second tour I ever did with them was in Europe, the next year, and I did merch and photos. And then we did Europe again later that year. I did Europe twice in less than 4 months for about a month each.
F: Did y’all play the same countries, or what did the tour look like?
C: It was crazy. It was honestly a fever dream. The first tour was awesome. It was in the spring of 2022. Everything went perfectly, and then we went back in the summer, and it was a total nightmare where everything went wrong, but we made it through, and it definitely trauma-bonded us, and that was the first tour I ever managed.
F: What were the highlights and lowlights of that? What's your favorite story from that tour?
C: So the European summer tour of 2022 was crazy. Nicky hit me up like a week before the tour, and he was like, “I can't find a TM. Are you down to do it?” I just told him, “I have literally never TM’d before, but sure.” I was only 22 or 23 at the time, and I had never TM'd, especially in Europe. Summer in Europe is weird. Most venues are shut down. A lot of clubs don't have shows in the summer, and it's really just the fest circuit. We had a bunch of fests, but they were in the craziest places, and it's hard to get club shows, so we had a lot of off days, which is crazy. Nothing has a reputation of being pretty alcohol heavy, so with all the off days came a lot of alcohol.
There was a day we were in Barcelona. I think it was day three of a six-week tour, and we were looking at 40-plus days ahead of us. We were loading out after an awesome show, and I noticed Christina from Gouge Away, who was playing bass for us at the time, lying on the ground of the venue. Which was super random because she was fine five minutes earlier. We were like, “Yo, are you okay?” and she was like, “I can't see anything.” She 100% got roofied at the venue. So, Guillaume, the driver, the sound guy, and I took her back to the Airbnb. Nicky, Doyle, and our drummer at the time, Mike, went out and partied.
Around three in the morning, I get a call from Mike, and he’s like, “Hey, we're here. Can you let us in?” I let them in, and that’s when I found out Nicky had lost his phone in the taxicab in Barcelona at three in the morning. The cab driver basically held his phone hostage. I spent the entire next day calling this taxi company, and they refused to give it to me. They were like, “We don't have it. We don’t know what you're talking about.” Then we called the promoter from the show, who’s from Spain, and he called them. Immediately, they were like, “Yeah, we got the phone, we'll give it to you.” They just didn’t want to give it to the Americans.
At that point, we were already in Italy. We had to leave, so this guy, Pablo, was gonna mail us the phone. Shoutout Pablo—this is not his fault at all. Around three days later, when we were supposed to get it, we showed up at the spot, and the address is supposed to be an Amazon Dropbox, but it’s completely in the middle of nowhere. There was no Dropbox, just an empty field. No phone. I had been trying to tour manage by myself, and all of Nothing’s assets were on Nicky’s phone. We couldn’t get into social media, no email, and the shows were barely advanced. We were just showing up blind, and it was incredibly stressful.
Two weeks later, we’re in Estonia, and we’re finally supposed to get the phone again. They reshipped it, and we’re there for three days, so we’re thinking, “Okay, surely it’ll get here.” On the third day, when we have to leave for the next show, it still isn’t there. We canceled the show, which is the only show Nothing has ever canceled that I’ve been a part of, besides when we had COVID in 2021. As we’re leaving, it’s like God appeared. This guy, Roman, who put us up in Estonia and booked all our shows there, found the phone in the last hour. We got it back, but at that point, it had been about three weeks, and those three weeks were horrible for morale. The whole group was struggling. Once we had the phone back, everything was fine again.
A few days later, we showed up at this venue in Denmark the night before the show. In Europe, a lot of the venues have lofts you can stay in, and this one was totally empty, no staff at all. They let us in and were like, “Alright, you can stay here. We'll be back tomorrow.” The venue had a full bar, and they said we could drink whatever we wanted, which was dangerous. Of course, everyone drank all night. They’re doing cartwheels around the venue, and Nicky grabs his rib and says, “Oh, no, I think I, like, broke my rib after a cartwheel.” It was a rib he had broken ten years before, so he was in horrible pain.
We did the show the next day, stayed there again, and around three in the morning, I saw him get up and leave the room. I tracked his location, and he had walked to the nearest hospital. They told him they couldn’t do anything. The next day, before a 12-hour drive to Belgium, he pulled me aside and said, “Hey, I need to go to the hospital. I don’t want to tell the others, but I need you to go with me.” He forgot his passport, so I had to go back and grab it. By the time I got to the hospital, he was already in a bed, and they had put him to sleep. They told me he had all the symptoms of a heart attack, but he didn’t actually have one, so they gave him a box of morphine, which was the dumbest thing they could have ever done, and for the next three weeks, we had a box of morphine in the van, a lot of alcohol, and people who wanted to have fun.
A few days later, we’re in Brussels walking around after dinner, and the streets are all cobblestones. Nicky and I were about 30 feet ahead of Christina and Doyle, and I heard Christina say she wanted a piggyback ride. I turned around as she was jumping on Doyle’s back, and all I saw was this tower of people falling face-first in slow motion. Doyle’s glasses shattered into his face, and Christina’s finger was completely sideways; she broke her hand. Absolute worst-case scenario. An ambulance picked them up, and Nicky and I both rode on one Lime scooter through cobblestone streets to the hospital. We couldn’t even find the entrance at first. We just kept circling the hospital for like 20 to 30 minutes. Eventually, we found Doyle, who was standing outside with a Coke can pressed against his face as an ice pack, and Christina was sitting in the lobby covered in blood. The hospital didn’t even really care. They wrapped her finger and sent her out.
At that point, the tour had hit rock bottom. Everything that could go wrong had gone wrong. Everyone was looking for an out, like how do we cancel this and get out, but we didn’t. No shows got canceled after that. One of the last shows was in Germany, and we were driving through a storm. We were on a bridge when there was a bright flash of white light and the whole van shook. Somehow, Guillaume kept it straight and didn’t wreck. It turned out that we had been hit by lightning. It was terrifying, and I swear to God that’s 100% true. You can ask Nicky or anyone. That tour was a karmic tour of just endless pain. Something crazy always happens on Nothing tours, whether it’s self-inflicted or not, but no tour has ever been as cursed as that one.
F: In terms of musical background for Ladder To God or just you as an individual, could you tell me about some of your influences and all-time favorite bands/artists?
C: My favorite band ever is definitely Red House Painters, and pretty much any Mark Kozelek project, honestly. Sun Kil Moon's incredible, but the solo shit is a little shaky. If you're going to listen to the solo stuff, you have to listen to the live records. The live records are incredible. “Lost Verses Live” used to be my favorite live record ever, but I think “White Christmas” is it for me.
F: Can you speak on “White Christmas”?
C: Yeah, “Admiral Fell Promises,” the version on that record, is the best version of that song for sure. Maybe in the top five Kozelek song performances ever. “Smokey” is my number two favorite. “Smokey” was my favorite Kozelek song ever for a very long time, and “Have You Forgotten” as well. The record version is on “Songs For A Blue Guitar”, but the “Vanilla Sky” version is awesome. So he's definitely my favorite ever. I've known of him and listened to him for a very long time, but like, it didn't hit for me the way it did until maybe 5 years ago.
Earlier than that, before him, I was just figuring my taste out. I didn't really know. I did all the hardcore, metalcore touring. That's all I was really into. My introduction to alternative music at all was the band Counterparts, melodic metalcore, kind of like Misery Signals. And I was in that world for a long time, and then I found Slowdive. I think Slowdive was the first shoegaze band I ever found. It was the comeback record in 2017, the self-titled one. I found that, and it definitely opened my eyes, and, because I had my introduction to guitar at church, I played at this crazy ass mega church called Church of the Highlands in Alabama. So, at 13 years old, I learned how to play guitar in hopes of playing for the church. And I did end up playing for years, but when I was 18, I stepped back for many reasons, but that is why I know how to play guitar and have the pedalboard that I do. That’s why my guitar tone is the way it is. I saw how they did it. Early Coldplay and U2 are the main influences for modern worship music. And, they take that, which is just really strong songwriting, and they slow it down, and put some reverb on it. If you listen to the first two Coldplay records, you can hear that influence through the modern shoegaze that's happening right now, too. It's [church] a crazy thing to get looped into, and I'm lucky I got out, but it made me the musician I am. My fundamentals on guitar are from years and years of only playing worship music. So, a lot of the progressions or the way I think about music have been ingrained in me from when I was learning guitar.
F: Yeah, the intro to “Everything Good In The World” is very reminiscent of worship music to me. It's like what plays while the pastor’s like, “Father God, we ask you to bless the tithe plate that's coming around right now.”
C: Exactly. It's like that shit, 100%. Yeah, I mean, that music. Not to belittle anyone that plays that music, because I know great people are doing it for what they believe in, but it’s designed to be emotional and to make you feel a certain kind of way. A lot of the music I write is me wanting you to feel the same way, but I don't want your money, and I'm not going to pretend to give it to God, you know?
F: Yeah, for sure. Pivoting from your background, could you talk a little bit about how you joined Nothing and Cloakroom?
C: So, I met Nicky and Doyle on the 2019 tour with Teenage Wrist. That was Doyle's first-ever tour with Nothing, and then I didn't see them again until at least two and a half years after that, and when you tour with people, you get to know each other. They knew I played in bands in Birmingham, and they knew I could play guitar, but none of these bands ever needed another guitar player or bass player, and I was also 22 or 23. I didn’t expect these bands to want that, you know? I was happy enough to do photos and merch.
A few years go by, and I'm still doing Ladder To God at this point, but we’re not really touring or playing shows. We had tracked the first Ladder to God EP right before the Europe tour at the very end of 2021, and we were getting demo mixes back on my first year on tour with Nothing. So I'm showing them the mixes and whatnot. And, obviously, I was a fan of these bands before I was ever touring with them. Whether any photographer wants to admit it or not, you're there because you're a fan, and, like, you don't say that. You can say it, but I didn't. I was very shy, and I still am, but it was really hard to go to these bands and be like, “Hey, can I take photos?” And then trying to do your best work and trying to impress them, it's very hard. And I respect all photographers who do that. Always shoot your shot. The worst thing anybody can say is no. I'm very lucky that they brought me in to do photos.
F: What did you do to stick out? What do you think led to you touring with Nothing?
C: I think a lot of people try to be pretty wacky with the editing, and it can be really cool, but I was so sick of carrying around a bunch of gear. I told myself I wanted to limit what I would use to shoot bands, and this goes for any creative thing. Especially your pedal board, guitar, or songwriting in general. If you put limits on yourself, and you're like, “I'm only gonna do one camera and one lens tonight,” or if you're writing a song and you're like, “I'm only gonna use 3 chords,” it leads to way more creative things that you have to force yourself to learn.
I learned how to do that with a camera with Nothing, and I would really try to get any crazy look that I wanted, or anything that I was doing to be taken raw on the camera and not worry about it in the edit. Whether it was (a) crazy light drag or long shutter, I was like, “I'm gonna figure this out in my camera and not just rely on Photoshop to do this for me.” And it led to a lot of photos that I don't know if I would even be able to do again.
In 2024, we were all in LA for Sound and Fury. Nothing was playing, and I was there to shoot the band, and Doyle pulled me aside one day, and he basically told me that Cloakroom had just finished a record, and they couldn’t play it live, and they wanted me to play second guitar. They've never had a fourth member, so I immediately said yes, and the process of learning that set was insane. Doyle basically gave me nothing. The set was 10 songs, and five of them were off the new record, “Last Leg of The Human Table”. This was about seven months before the record came out. He brought this to me, and Cloakroom had a tour lined up in November of that year with Better Lovers, Spy, Full of Hell, and Gouge Away. And so I had about 4 months to learn these songs, which I think is fine. I had spent years learning worship songs the week of, and those songs are obviously a lot easier, but I had never played in Cloakroom, so it was not easy. I basically had to learn the album by ear. The videos Doyle sent me were the most insane things I've ever seen. He sent me a video of the song “Disillusion Wave,” where he was in a pawn shop in Las Vegas, and he found a toy electric guitar and played it acoustic and out of tune, and only played the first verse, and that was it.
F: If I were you, I would have just gone to YouTube at that point.
C: Bro, I did. I found videos of them playing in Europe. Those were the clearest angles I could see of Doyle, and I basically had to zoom in on his hands, and at the time, they were only playing “Disillusion Wave” songs. So I learned those 5 songs by watching YouTube videos of live sets, and the live versions of Cloakroom songs are not like the record. So I couldn't learn the record; it was very different.
F: So, I recently learned that you haven’t always played under the name Ladder to God. Can you tell me about the origin of the band and the name change?
C: Absolutely. The band was originally called “Just Like Heaven”. I made this band with my best friend, whose name is Cam as well, in 2019. At the time, we were kind of going in an alt-rock direction, with catchy vocals, good hooks, and choruses. And we wrote a six-song EP, 50/50; he wrote 3, and I wrote 3. He and I wrote the whole thing super quickly, and that EP is called “Synthetic Skin”. Honestly, some of those songs I still really love, but we never really got a chance to do that band. We never got a fair shot because we recorded it in 2019, put it out in January of 2020, and two months later, COVID happened, and we had never played a show. So, we never played a show for years after starting the band, and in 2021, when shows came back, we put on a show and played most of those songs. Listening back to that show, it's super rough. It's not great, but I'm still super proud of what he and I made. So we played, like, five shows under the name Just Like Heaven, and in 2022, we started writing new stuff, which is the “Devour Me” EP, and I wrote all of those songs myself. I kind of brought all of those to the table, and Cam was just down to do those songs, and we felt like it was enough of a change in sound to change the name. We both kind of didn't want that name anymore anyway, and it'd been a few years, and the sound was way different than the first EP, so we changed the name and image up a little to reflect the new sound.
F: How'd you land on Ladder To God?
C: So Cam actually came up with it. It's a lyric from the song “The Apostate” by Swans. We’re both big Swans fans, “Ladder To God” is an awesome image in my mind, and Michael Gira is a great lyricist, so we took that and ran with it.
F: So, how many songs do you have unreleased?
C: So many.
F: How many do you think you're gonna release?
C: We have some studio time booked, and the plan is to track three or four new songs. I have more, but since Nothing’s going to Japan, I don’t have much time.
F: And then you HAVE to go play with Hum in Chicago?
C: Yeah, yeah. I’m contractually obligated, I HAVE to.
F: And, Chapterhouse.
C: I know. It's gonna be awesome, man.
But basically, January is the only time I have to do a tour and then record some music for this band, and I've never given this band the effort that I wish I could, you know? I'm always doing something else, and I'm really hard on myself with songwriting. It's really tough for me to see if it's good or bad; I'm just too close to it. So I’ve never given this band enough effort, even though I really want to. The two songs we just put out have been written for two and a half years, you know? It's silly that it took three years to put out two songs, you know? But I just never had the time, and nobody else would do it besides me. I love Cam to death, but it kind of turned into me writing everything, which wasn't intentional, but it's just kind of how it was.
Then it kind of turned; he left the band and, whatever, it wasn't that deep. We’re a local band, but now, it's pretty much all on me. I have a demo folder full of songs, and I'm just trying to figure out what direction to go, you know? Red House Painters is my favorite band, and we don't sound like them, and, like, we never will, but I want to sound more influenced by that. More stripped back, more melancholy, you know. Lyrics are the hardest thing in the world, and he is the best at it, 100%.
F: Recently, I don't know, but like. Yeah, he, I mean, his music now is... It's a podcast with music behind it.
C: Yeah. It's a podcast with music. And sometimes it's genius, and a lot of the time it's not.
F: Yeah, I did not like his new album at all. He played a couple of those live.
C: Really?
F: It was kind of annoying, I'm not gonna lie. Because he just played the instrumental over the PA, he was just reciting it. Which is kind of interesting, but it was, like, 10 minutes of, like, “I looked at Twitter on my phone, and I saw that my friend from high school had passed away, and then I had another coffee, and I went to the grocery store.” It's ridiculous. There's a song that goes just like that.
C: That's awesome.
F: Wouldn’t it be awesome though, to get to the point where you can do bullshit like that and people will still sell out a 300 capacity room?
C: Yeah, that's the goal, I guess. The new stuff, I'm really excited about, and I don't know if anyone else will be, but that's cool. It doesn't matter to me. The songs we just put out, I was expecting nobody to care. I wrote those songs 3 years ago, and we don't really play shows. We don't tour, and I know I'm in other bigger bands, but I don't try to use that to, like, draw to this band. I just want it to be its own thing, and I'm so grateful that literally anybody cares at all, because I don't expect it or feel entitled to it.
The new stuff will be even quieter. And, I know that's not in trend for the scene. It’s typically the louder, heavier, and more riffy the better, and my music is the opposite of that, and I’m only getting further away from that. I think that's also nice because there's a lack of that in my mind. There aren't that many soft, gazey bands besides, maybe, Knifeplay, and they're still heavy, but they're not doing it like these other bands. Knifeplay is awesome, and Mintfield too. I think Mintfield is my favorite modern shoegaze band. They're unlike any other band in the scene. So, so good, so melodic, and the drums are phenomenal.
F: Can you kind of explain your songwriting process?
C: Yeah. So, I do it all in my bedroom, at my computer, and I have an interface, like every other musician in the world. 100% of the time, it's just starting with a guitar part, and I'm not very riffy when I write, so it's usually a chord progression. And then I'll layer it with leads, layer it with bass, and then when we go in the studio, I have the whole thing all ready to go. It just needs to be recorded. The vocals are always last. In this newest song that I wrote, I basically took lyrics from a Red House Painters song, and sang them over a song that I wrote, and then replaced all of that with my own words. I didn't have any lyrics written for the song, and I didn't know what I wanted it to be. So I just sang something to help me create a melody that might help me write lyrics, knowing how many syllables I want to do. I picked “All Mixed Up” by Red House Painters off of “Songs For A Blue Guitar”. Obviously, I'm not going to use these words, but I replaced them with lyrics I wrote, and it helped so much to make a song, and that's how I write every song.
F: Ladder To God and shoegaze in general are very effects-heavy. What's your favorite pedal if you have one? How do you dial in your tone, and how do you create your ambiance?
C: So I've had a lot of the same pedals for 10 years now, and my secret weapon is definitely the Timeline from Strymon. It's a delay pedal, but it's far more than that. It has so many settings that can do synth, lo-fi stuff, reverse stuff, swelling. It does everything. I mostly use it for delay, but it's such a powerful pedal. The Trinity from TC Electronics is my secret reverb. I could take everything off of my board except for those two pedals and have almost the same tone as my regular tone.
The fuzzed-out, distorted stuff all kind of changes. I've had different pedals and never had a consistent one. Right now, I have the bass Swollen Pickle from Way Huge. I use the bass Swollen Pickle because it gets so much more low-end than the guitar one, which I used to play, but it's just not heavy enough. I usually have a RAT as well. I took it off my board right before this tour, and I only use it stacked with the Pickle. When you stack those two, it's insane, but I never play the RAT by itself. Nicky also broke my RAT, so it's stuck on the same settings. When we were in Austin on the tour with Whirr, Nicky did a front flip off my pedal board and broke all the knobs on the RAT. It still works, though. It's a powerhouse pedal.
F: What's your favorite show that you've ever played with any of the bands you’re in?
C: Honestly, last night in Denton was awesome and blew my mind. Ladder To God’s never played anywhere near here, so I was very thankful that it was as awesome as it was.
Nothing playing Slide Away LA was insane, and we didn't really get into how I started playing in Nothing, but Nicky called me three days before Slide Away, New York, and was like, “Hey, do you want to play?” And I was like, “Well, I have to.” He gave me 24 hours to learn the 10-song set, and he basically called me and kind of talked me through each song and what he wanted, and I learned the whole set in one day.
F: So, were you TMing Nothing up until 2024?
C: Since that Europe tour, yeah, I did photos and merch. Then, when I started TMing in Europe in 2022, I TM'd from that year through basically Slide Away this year. I was still kind of helping out a little bit behind the scenes, but since I started playing, I've kind of taken less responsibility in that band.
But back to the original question, my favorite show with Nothing was either Slide Away LA at the Palladium or the Nothing and Whirr show in Atlanta at the Masquerade, mainly because a lot of my family and friends got to come to that. It was the closest show to home, and they've never seen me play a show like that. So that was awesome.
For Cloakroom, we just did a tour with Boris, and I knew those shows were going to be good, but I didn't know how good they were going to be. We played in Denver, where I also have family who got to come see me play. And it was awesome, man. It was so sick, and they got to see Boris, which was awesome too.
F: My final question is, what advice do you have for people who want to shoot bands, tour manage them, or play in them? What are your words for the youth?
C: You just have to do it. Nobody's gonna do it for you. Always shoot your shot. The worst anybody can say is no, you know? And, I think you should also know your boundaries, you know, taking your shot doesn't mean berating people and plugging yourself in where you're not really supposed to be. I was a kid, too. I was 18, hitting up bands to take photos, but even then, I didn’t want to overstep and cross the line where these people were gonna be weirded out or wouldn’t want to hire me. I was a huge fan of Teenage Wrist, a huge fan of Cloakroom, a huge fan of Nothing. I got into it just by reaching out, and obviously, you have to work hard and try to do a good job, but I was the shyest kid ever, and nobody was going to shoot that shot for me. I just kind of had to do it and push myself out there.
Most creative people are shy, you know, you're not gonna be making art if you're not that way, I think. And, if you want to start a band, start a band. It's gonna be bad at first, and you have to be bad to be good, you know. You're not just gonna be good. You're not gonna be good at taking photos for years. You're not going to be good at guitar for years. You're not going to be good at tour managing for years. I wasn't. It's trial by fire, and you just gotta, like, throw yourself in there, and find a way in. Be resourceful. If you have an in, if you have a friend who knows a friend, who knows a friend, like, use it. Don’t manipulate people, but be genuine in that way. Obviously, people use people to get things, but if you're gonna do that, you better be honest and genuine about it, and try to be a respectful person.
I am extremely lucky to be where I am, but I got it by just pushing myself out of my comfort zone. You just gotta be nice and, if someone throws you in the van and they want you to help out, just do it, even if you don't know how to do it. You learn by doing it. Just be aware. Having awareness is key. And, it'll happen, because people have to do these roles, and I'm lucky it's me. It could be you. It could be someone else. Like, it's gonna be someone, and it's gonna be the people that want to do it. So, just, you have to keep doing it.
Photograph by Madeline Bullie, @bigbulliesmedia
Trauma Ray's uri avila on texas identity, shoegaze, video games and doing it for family
By Frankie Polonsky
As a Fort Worth native and longtime Trauma Ray listener, it was insane to see my favorite local band on a national tour with Loathe. I bought tickets as soon as they were announced and drove 2 hours to Austin to participate in what was sure to be an incredible night in the band’s history. Outside on the patio after the set, I caught up with vocalist and guitarist Uri Avila and talked about DIY ethics, video games, family, and why Trauma Ray’s most important song is a love letter to his mom.
F: Where are we and what’s going on tonight?
Uri Avila: We’re on the patio at Emo’s after playing a sold-out show in Austin, Texas, supporting Loathe.
F: I’ve been listening to Trauma Ray for three or four years. Your first EP, the white EP, was produced and recorded by Elliott Frazier. Is that right?
Uri: Yeah, both. Elliott from Ringo Deathstarr.
F: How did that come about?
Uri: We played a festival called Thin Line Fest. I think it was 2019, because we recorded in 2020, right before the pandemic. We played the fest with him, and they were super nice. Elliott, Galexy (Alex Gehring), and Daniel, the drummer—they’re all just the nicest people. He enjoyed our set and said if we ever needed a recording, he was in Austin, and we could set something up.
F: So he reached out to you?
Uri: In a way. He offered. They record a lot of their own stuff, so he was just like, “It’d be fun to work together.” He’s awesome—a very nice guy.
F: Your merch and Instagram aesthetic feel very video-game, movie, anime, and pop-culture focused. What inspires that?
Uri: Honestly, just whatever I really like. If the guys happen to like it too, I’ll make a design based off that. Most of the time, I already make the designs and send them like, “Hey, this is the merch,” and they’re like, “Oh, that’s cool,” and let me roll with it.
F: What were your favorite video games growing up?
Uri: Final Fantasy, Metal Gear, a lot of Nintendo. I grew up playing GameCube and Wii. ATV Offroad Fury, Metal Gear Solid, NFL Blitz, Shadow of the Colossus, Super Smash Bros., and Mario Kart Double Dash. I played everything. Video games were my life.
F: Do you ever think you would’ve streamed if that was a thing earlier?
Uri: Yeah. If I’d known younger that you could just keep playing video games and start streaming, seeing dudes like Ninja get huge, I probably would’ve done that.
F: Music can be controversial with family. How did your family feel about it?
Uri: My mom was always super supportive. My sisters were very supportive. My brother had kids young and wasn’t around much. My dad was always working—financially supportive, but not really around. It took time for everyone.
F: You’re still touring in the same van, right?
Uri: Yeah, we still have the trauma tank. It’s kind of a miracle it’s still alive.
F: Didn’t you have a major breakdown on tour?
Uri: The rear differential went out. I didn’t know you’re supposed to break it in before towing. By Salt Lake City, it sounded like a Tesla was inside the van. People helped us out with the GoFundMe, which really saved us.
F: Your No Country for Old Men shirt is one of your most popular designs. Why that movie?
Uri: It’s a Texas movie, and we’re a Texas band. Anton Chigurh is one of the scariest characters ever. The whole movie is tragic and fucked up. I took a screenshot, edited it, and it looked sick on a shirt. I wanted it as Texas as possible.
F: What’s your biggest non-musical inspiration?
Uri: Hideo Kojima. Every character in his games has trauma or pain or some fucked-up way of looking at the world. Trauma Ray songs feel like perspectives I’ve lived through or seen.
F: How did you first start playing guitar?
Uri: When I was about 13. My mom dragged me to church because there were free guitar lessons. The teacher stopped coming, but I was already hooked. I taught myself on an $80 Kona acoustic.
F: What were you learning back then?
Uri: Metallica, Weezer, Franz Ferdinand. Burnout 3 had Franz Ferdinand and My Chemical Romance, and I’d listen over and over until I could play them.
F: Church influenced that early on?
Uri: Yeah. I learned how to sing and play guitar because of church. Small Mexican church, Spanish worship songs, super bare-bones setup.
F: Since signing with Dais, has anything changed?
Uri: It’s been steadily increasing. Dais still feels DIY and artist-friendly. They help with distribution and vinyl, which we never thought about before.
F: What’s the most important song you’ve written?
Uri: “ISO.” It’s our one love song, and it’s for my mom. Everything I’m doing with this band is to try to make her life better someday.
F: Is there a lyric that sums that up?
Uri: “All I do, I do it for you.”
F: Hardcore seems important to you. How does that influence Trauma Ray?
Uri: For me, shows are about energy. Stage dives, crowd surfing, interaction. That’s what I love, and that’s what I want people to feel at our shows.
F: Any local bands you want to shout out?
Uri: Spurred, Ceramic Planet, Flowerbed, Ozone, Empty Shell Casing, Defcon One.
F: What’s coming next for Trauma Ray?
Uri: We’ve got a four-song EP with an intro track. It’s darker than Chameleon. The darker songs just kept going.
F: Any advice for people making music right now?
Uri: Make things. Express yourself. Find community. Check on your friends. Art still matters.
Photograph by Madeline Bullie, @bigbulliesmedia
Legends of the Underground, Uri Avila and Frankie Polonsky